This is us. We have had a great 15 years together, but on Wednesday the doctors will invade Patrick's heart to burn it and induce scarring. It's a procedure that we're told carries a 4% risk of something going wrong. They even changed the method with which they will carry out the procedure to reduce the risk to Patrick. That tells me they know things I don't. In all honesty, I could be hit by a semi and die the next time I'm on the highway. We could - against the odds - contract the coronavirus again and die. Patrick could be hit by a plane falling from the sky on his way home from work. We rarely know how we'll die. Even Patrick's death from heart disease isn't guaranteed. We previously joked about how lame it would be if he battled the disease all of his adult life, only to be felled by a virus. But there are times we are given a glimpse of the potential future - a clearer image of the uncertain path down which our lives might wander - and it isn't one we want. Be it a risky surgery, a long suffering illness with a poor prognosis, or that bump in the airplane that causes the Fasten Seatbelt sign to light up above our heads; our lives proverbially flash before our eyes. What will happen to me? Will I die? Will my loved one die? Will they miss me? How do I tell the kids? Did I shut the oven off before I left the house? I should have signed up for life insurance... I don't know how I'll die. And as much as I'd like to, I also don't know how Patrick will die. This means I have no idea how the procedure on Wednesday will end - what words the doctor will greet me with when he calls. But I know how I want this story to play out. I want fifteen more years with my best friend. Or thirty. I'm not picky. I want him to see our kids grow. And I want him to meet all of his grandchildren, and his great-grandchildren. I want us to live in this beautiful house until Samuel grows up and moves out, and beyond. I want to co-parent Michaela and see where her future takes her. I want to go through the *grimace* teen years with Lily and Laura, with Patrick by my side. I want many more road trips, more unwanted but well loved puppies, and more family adventures we'll look back fondly upon. And yes, I want more whining about the laundry (goodness, many of you will know what I am talking about...) I want more complaints that I never cook the same thing twice. I want more loud burps and, "That's a compliment to the cook." (You can't see me but I'm rolling my eyes with a smile on my face). And more importantly, I want the blessing that Patrick is, to continue to touch the lives of the people we meet, the hurting ones he talks to, the happy ones he laughs with, and all those in between who ask him how is he always so darn happy. I'll share. I know he's special. Please pray for our Patrick. He is going through a rough time. He was told he will have probes sent into his heart while he is awake. Who WOULDN'T be disturbed at that thought? But for a man who faces his mortality daily, keep asking him - how is he so darn happy? Because he is always delighted to tell you. I will keep everyone updated here ❤
Comentarios