This Is Us!

This is us. We have had a great 15 years together, but on Wednesday the doctors will invade Patrick's heart to burn it and induce scarring. It's a procedure that we're told carries a 4% risk of something going wrong. They even changed the method with which they will carry out the procedure to reduce the risk to Patrick. That tells me they know things I don't. In all honesty, I could be hit by a semi and die the next time I'm on the highway. We could - against the odds - contract the coronavirus again and die. Patrick could be hit by a plane falling from the sky on his way home from work. We rarely know how we'll die. Even Patrick's death from heart disease isn't guaranteed. We previously joked about how lame it would be if he battled the disease all of his adult life, only to be felled by a virus. But there are times we are given a glimpse of the potential future - a clearer image of the uncertain path down which our lives might wander - and it isn't one we want. Be it a risky surgery, a long suffering illness with a poor prognosis, or that bump in the airplane that causes the Fasten Seatbelt sign to light up above our heads; our lives proverbially flash before our eyes. What will happen to me? Will I die? Will my loved one die? Will they miss me? How do I tell the kids? Did I shut the oven off before I left the house? I should have signed up for life insurance... I don't know how I'll die. And as much as I'd like to, I also don't know how Patrick will die. This means I have no idea how the procedure on Wednesday will end - what words the doctor will greet me with when he calls. But I know how I want this story to play out. I want fifteen more years with my best friend. Or thirty. I'm not picky. I want him to see our kids grow. And I want him to meet all of his grandchildren, and his great-grandchildren. I want us to live in this beautiful house until Samuel grows up and moves out, and beyond. I want to co-parent Michaela and see where her future takes her. I want to go through the *grimace* teen years with Lily and Laura, with Patrick by my side. I want many more road trips, more unwanted but well loved puppies, and more family adventures we'll look back fondly upon. And yes, I want more whining about the laundry (goodness, many of you will know what I am talking about...) I want more complaints that I never cook the same thing twice. I want more loud burps and, "That's a compliment to the cook." (You can't see me but I'm rolling my eyes with a smile on my face). And more importantly, I want the blessing that Patrick is, to continue to touch the lives of the people we meet, the hurting ones he talks to, the happy ones he laughs with, and all those in between who ask him how is he always so darn happy. I'll share. I know he's special. Please pray for our Patrick. He is going through a rough time. He was told he will have probes sent into his heart while he is awake. Who WOULDN'T be disturbed at that thought? But for a man who faces his mortality daily, keep asking him - how is he so darn happy? Because he is always delighted to tell you. I will keep everyone updated here ❤

Family Update

TIME FOR AN UPDATE! I've been told several of you are curious about how we are doing now, so today is a good day to give an update on the status of our family <3 We are all 100% recovered from Covid-19. I know our marriage will survive this social distancing, but some times... Some times, y'all... PATRICK: I'm going to the store and I'm not wearing a mask or anything. ME: YES YOU ARE. PATRICK: You're abusive. ME: You're clueless. PATRICK: I just like getting a rise out of you. Love you! dkjfgslkjflskdhflsjkadgfksahflkjsa;fljs;khfalskh... That man drives me nuts, but I do love him. Anyway, back to the update. Patrick and I were both sick for exactly fourteen days. The day he was released from quarantine was the day I began my final symptom-free 72 hours of quarantine. The VERY last symptom for both of us was a slight lingering congestion - more annoying than anything else. We spoke to the doctors and nurses who were in contact with us but everyone seemed to agree with without the body aches and fever and the other more harsh symptoms of Covid-19, the congestion wasn't a sign that we were still infected. Even now, a full 12 days since my first "cleared" day, I still find myself coughing once or twice a day because I feel something in my lungs. It's annoying but I'm confidant it will go away eventually. Patrick is complaining about the same thing and he is 15 days post-symptoms. I have been complaining to anyone who will listen that the kids are now under an additional quarantine, but I always follow my whining with an explanation for why they are under quarantine. None of our four kids were ever tested for the virus because at different times during our household's period of illness, the kids exhibited symptoms of the virus. Fevers, body aches, sore eyes, and congestion seemed to be how the virus manifested itself within their bodies, although to a much lesser extent than what it did with Patrick and I. The kids symptoms weren't as severe or as, "Am I going to die?" as they were for Patrick and I. But because they weren't officially tested so their symptoms weren't recorded as official symptoms of Covid-19, an additional quarantine was imposed on them from my first symptom free day, since without the test they were instead considered to be First Contacts of mine. I was the last person in the house with a documented positive test result of Covid-19, and since they were in my presence during my illness, the additional quarantine was set in place as a safeguard in case any of the kids began to exhibit symptoms of Covid-19 from their exposure to me. I have heard a coupe different things about their quarantine that confuse me, namely that it started on my first symptom-free day (the 28th) or that it started after my 72 hours of being symptom free (the 1st). I will verify that with a nurse today. It's not like we're in a rush to go on a family shopping trip, but it would be nice to be able to get in the truck and go for a drive. The kids and I have not left the house since March 19th, and that was so I could be tested in the drive-thru testing facility in Fairbanks. Besides that trip into town, we haven't been anywhere since March 10th. By the time our quarantines are over we will have been under mandated quarantine for about 30 days. We are glad to be on this other side of Covid-19. It struck me a little while ago that one of the reasons why Patrick and I both laughed and cried during that first phone call with the CDC, was because everything we had heard about the Coronavirus said it would be a death sentence for Patrick. We assumed he would die. I remember feeling so hopeless in those first few days, wondering if I was going to be downstairs taking care of the kids while Patrick sat alone in the bedroom upstairs, slowly wasting away, unable to breathe. It was terrifying. If not for the deluge of phone calls, messages, and people reaching out to us during that time I may have lost my mind. That silly headline in the newspaper that I still laugh about, was completely true. Patrick did feel like he was dying. I can't imagine how HE thought - laying in that room with his wife and youngest children downstairs. How many hours he must have thought about his older kids and grandchildren, his brothers and sisters and their families, and his mom who he loves with all his heart. Isolation must have been so lonely, and it was heartbreaking not being able to spend time with him. I am so glad it's over. I'm glad we pulled through - that someone with heart failure as bad as Patrick's has been through a battle with Covid-19 and lived to talk about it. We are so blessed. The outcome could have been very, very different. With life back to "normal" (I use that term loosely), we are moving onto worrying about job, finances, school, unnecessary shopping trips, and how to get our family back on track. We are in the same boat as millions of other Americans, feeling as though everything about life as we knew it is now completely derailed. We have two businesses, and we might lose both. Patrick can't work incredibly long hours, and my status as a stay at home mom might have to change soon. But again, we are now looking for a new normal. There are, of course, things that won't change - things I hold onto like security blankets. I have an amazing husband who annoys the crap out of me on purpose, but who buys me a latte every time he leaves the house, who does the dishes, who takes turns with me getting up in the morning with the kids so I can sleep in. I have four awesome kids, and every one of them brings a different light into our lives and we treasure them for the beautiful souls they are, and the people they are growing up to be. (And Samuel is awesome - who knew having a baby boy could be so much darn fun?) Our friends and family have been foundation stones, sharing our burden when we couldn't bear it alone, and showing us a measure of love we never thought possible prior to this virus. And everyone who reached out to us after I posted our story on Facebook, and after the newspaper article was posted - you guys helped buoy us when when we questioned whether going public was the right thing to do; when we thought the burden of being sick and the added burden of exposing our story to the world, would sink us. You guys are amazing. Your questions helped turn our focus from "Woe Is Me" to "How Can We Help?" We're still fighting, though now its a different fight; a different enemy. We don't know if the coronavirus can come back into our home, but we are living as though it can. We don't know if we have immunity to the virus, but we are living as though we don't. And we're waiting right along with all of you - waiting to see what sort of world will emerge from this scourge of Covid-19. Stay home when possible. Isolate. I'm still a firm believer in flattening the curve, and we will continue to do our part as a family to protect those we love, and thereby people who are loved by those we know. The affects of our actions - EVERYONE'S actions - are more far-reaching than we could ever imagine. Much love to you all! - Haley

Covid-19 Update

I told you guys we had the virus, so now would probably be a good time to update you on how we’re doing here at home. First, I can say the kids are fine. The symptoms they had were mild compared to what Patrick and I are dealing with. One child had a mild fever, body aches, and sore eyes, but she was the worst. However, due to the nature of these symptoms coming and going, especially in the early days, I was concerned when our 1-year-old sneezed this morning and I had to wipe his nose. I guess this is life now! This morning Patrick and I both woke up with a tightness in our chests. It was a struggle to yawn, to inhale deep enough to blow my nose, and to inhale deep enough to have a productive cough. My oxygen is fine and so is his, but that doesn’t mean we’re not watching them both like a hawk. Other symptoms I am having today include aches in my joints (I slept really rough last night, unable to get comfortable), full body weakness, and now a headache and more nausea. I felt better earlier after taking a nap. That’s it. There isn’t much to say. Every day is managing symptoms we’ve had and waiting to see what new symptoms pop up. The tightness in my chest makes me feel like I have run a race, even while sitting and doing nothing. But the weakness effects everything I do, and Patrick has it, too. We are calling on our 12-year-old to carry the baby up and down the stairs because we can’t trust our bodies to stay upright while carrying his weight. Patrick thinks as of this evening he has turned a corner. He says he feels he is at 90%, but this is the king of optimism talking. I'll ask him again in the morning! We want to thank everyone who has been checking on us, everyone who has brought us food and groceries, and for the far-reaching network of prayers you guys have enlisted on our behalf. Your positivity has been like soothing tea to our souls. We will keep everyone updated! Maybe I'll even be able to convince Patrick to write a post...